Acclaimed author David Levithan (2013) asserts in his novel Every Day, “Kindness connects to who you are, while niceness connects to how you want to be seen.” (pg. 38) This quote urges a reflection of the distinction between the two seemingly synonymous nouns. They are all too often used interchangeably in modern society. However, there is a nuanced difference between the two terms, and understanding this overlooked grey area may irrevocably change your outlook on life forever.
To unravel this mystery, we must first clearly define each word. The Cambridge dictionary (2024) defines the term ‘nice’ to be “pleasant, enjoyable, or satisfactory”. All three terms are tied to outer appearances, dependent on the opinions of others. The mastery of ‘niceties’ hinges on the outer persona finding favour with others at all costs. On the other hand, the same dictionary (2024) defines the term ‘kind’ to be “generous, helpful, and thinking about other people’s feelings”. All three phrases allude to inner traits defining a personality. They do not entail currying favour with others, rather, they require the person to care for and do genuine good to others, regardless of whether those on the receiving end perceive such acts in a positive light.
One may perform acts which are both good and kind, but they do not necessarily coincide. In pursuit of being nice but not kind, one may compliment others incessantly about unflattering outfits in an attempt to kowtow to them. It may have been satisfying to hear but ultimately has a deleterious effect on the receiver’s impressions on others. When being kind but not nice, one may offer blunt but apt criticisms to others on their projects. They may hurt feelings but their actions serve to provide genuine assistance to the user.
To live in a society means utilising a combination of the two concepts, but a myriad of combinations exist, with varying reasons. An article published by Yahoo Finance in 2023 by reporter Caroline Bologna opines that when prioritising niceness, one may actually seek for an affirmation of self from other people. It is not enough to know deep down that they are good; they require others to be conscious of their virtuous acts. In contrast, the same article suggests that to be kind is to strive to do good for good’s sake, regardless of the attention that may come from it. To not waste energy catering to the desires of many, but to toil in the hopes of genuinely improving others’ lives.
Ultimately, the prioritisation of either concept is dependent on one’s psyche. I urge you to ask yourself this question: “Is the approval of others worth more than their betterment?” The answer may surprise you.
References
Bologna, C. (2023, October 19). Nice vs. Kind: The Difference Is Significant. Yahoo! Finance. https://nz.finance.yahoo.com/news/nice-vs-kind-difference-significant-094513508.html
Kind | English meaning – Cambridge Dictionary. Cambridge Dictionary. (n.d.). https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/kind
Levithan, D. (2013). In Every Day (pp. 38). Egmont UK.
Nice | English meaning – Cambridge Dictionary. Cambridge Dictionary. (n.d.). https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/nice